Wait. Is it your birthday?

WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”

-Guillaume Apollinaire

            Today is a very happy day: today is Whit’s birthday.  Why is it that even as people grow older around us, we suspend those we love in youth?  To me, despite the fact that Whit is 23 today, Whit will always be 13.  I am 9 and we are riding to Tennessee in the backseat of my mom’s minivan watching Princess Diaries for the umpteenth time, quoting every line.  He is droning on about something ridiculous and I’m laughing at every word, simultaneously begging our mother to stop at the next Cracker Barrel so we can pick out candy.  It isn’t that this is the favorite memory of my childhood or even that it is my favorite memory from Whit and my relationship; I think it’s the idea that at 9 and 13, we still had so much of the world ahead of us, without any clue about who we would become.  After that period of time I think we began to see who we are and where we were going. 

            Anyways, the reality is Whit is not 13 anymore.  It is 10 years later and I love him just as much now as I did then.  I can say with confidence that he is my brother.  It’s funny because I hear friends of mine talk about their sisters or their life as an only child and all I can think is, man feel sorry for people who don’t have a brother.  But what I really feel is sorry for people who don’t have a Whit.  So in honor of his birthday I thought I’d give you guys a list of 23 things I love about Whit (in no particular order).  I have no doubt that he will never let me live this down for its corniness and that he will continue to tell anyone who will listen that I am “the solar eclipse of suckiness”.  Don’t care.

1.     Whit is HILARIOUS (understatement of the year).  The other day he said to me, “Kane, you know how when you leave some where you say, ‘I’m glad I got to see you’? Well when I leave somewhere I usually say, ‘I’m glad you got to see me’.”  After laughing out loud, I realized that people are probably pretty glad they got to see him.

2.     For inexplicable reasons, Whit seems to think I’m invincible.  This is a pedestal that I’m not quite ready to climb down from.  Once, when my family was at Disney World, we were standing in line for the rock’n’roller coaster, I left to get “fast passes” for the tower of terror.  My parents were concerned that I was not going to be able to get back through the crowded line to them but my brother insisted that I was a bulldog and would throw some elbows.

3.     With regards to his facial hair, Whit is a ginger.  And who doesn’t love a ginger?

4.     He has an accent, a newly developed one, but an accent nonetheless.

5.     He has cute cool friends.

6.     He likes to boogie board wave surf with me.

7.     He’s great with little kids.  I don’t know what it is about him but kids friggin love him.  You’d think they would be scared of a hairy manboy that big but they go berserk for him.

8.     Whit is great at impressions.  My personal favorite is Daffy Duck.  That’s some good stuff right there.

9.     Whit has HORRIBLE taste in music.  We usually end up listening to some sort of hard core rap, Podunk country, or some sort of alternative indie crap that Whit has deemed valuable (String Cheese???? Come on Whit.”).  Why do I love this about him?  Well other than it being fairly entertaining, it makes me feel really good about my own choices of music.

10. My friends love him.  Even though he literally has never remembered one of my friends’ names, after countless encounters and introductions, they still leave his presence laughing and saying good things about him.

11. Whit is great with parents.  The wonderful things that people’s parents have to say about Whit will never cease to amaze me. 

12. Whit wears the greatest T-shirts.  I don’t even know if “great” is the best word to describe his vast collection of shirts but they are certainly diverse and entertaining, and they always make me laugh…or roll my eyes.

13. Whit hates most green vegetables (brussel sprouts, asparagus, spinach, do you like green beans now? I can’t remember).  More for me!!

14. He’s a killer dancer.  Although his episodes are few and far between, if you can catch Whit in one of his groove sessions, be prepared to witness the ultimate break down.

15. Whit is a wonderful artist.  I say this with a bitter taste in my mouth.  Before the kitchen renovation, my parents adorned our house walls with drawings, paintings, and sculptures done by Whit.   And for good reasons-he is great!  Wanna know how many pieces of art of mine my parents displayed?  One.  And it was in the bathroom.  I think they were sending me a message…they think they’re so clever.

16. Whit is quick to act.  This characteristic can often work against Whit, but when it does, it sure makes for a funny story down the road.   During Whit’s senior year of high school, he backed into my dad’s truck…in the driveway…at 6:30 a.m.  There was little thought prior to Whit putting the car in reverse and gunning down the driveway.  That being said, my car was “stolen” once.

17. Whit is ever present.  This goes for all siblings I imagine but when I really get to thinking about it, I realize that Whit is the only one I always really have.  Now I have great friends and I love my parents but a sibling is the one person who knows the genuine you and knows how you became the way you are.  I appreciate this element of our relationship.

18. Whit is older.  This is probably one of Whit’s best features in my opinion.  I consider him a sort of trail blazer if you will.  Whit did everything first so I had an opportunity to learn from his mistakes and figure out how to make the same ones without getting caught. He’s there to advise me although his advice typically resonates as “seize the damn day”. 

19. Whit has great comebacks.  Not only is Whit funny, but he is also quick-witted, an attribute that is highly underappreciated in my opinion.  Whit can hit ya with a come back before you have time to get an insult out.  I literally laugh about some of the things he says for days after he says them.

20. Whit, like me, hates Pride and Prejudice.  I realize this might not come as a surprise but it is a key component of the operations of the Hollingsworth family.  You see, my mother (bless her heart) loves Jane Austen and watches Pride and Prejudice (the TV series, which is somehow worse than the others) on the regular.  Only upon our incessant insistence will she turn the blasphemy off; after all, a united front is stronger than a man who stands alone.

21. Whit loves quote wars.  I value this quality in anybody but Whit has mastered the art.  Quote wars, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, occur when people engage in conversation using only quotes, preferably funny ones, from popular movies.  Whit and I particularly enjoy sparring over The Ringer. “You scratched my CD! You picked it up in broad daylight and you scratched it!”

22. Whit is genuine.  For the most part, Whit means what he says.  He loves stronger than anyone I know, even after being hurt over and over again.  He would do anything for the people he loves and while many do not understand the way that Whit loves, it is stronger than any love or respect I’ve known and it’s worth more to me than other loves…which leads me to my final praise:

23. Whit loves me.  When I was a freshman in high school and Whit was a senior, some sophomores were throwing apples in my direction at lunch, as the typical freshman hazing.  At the insistence of my very concerned friends I went and told Whit (lameeeeeeeeee) and within minutes he came storming out of the cafeteria like a bat out of hell to warn those sophomores about throwing apples at his sister.  He never once has thought twice about doing something when I asked him to and he has been there for me every time I have needed him. You really are a great brother, Whit, and I’m so grateful that you’re mine.  Happy Birthday loser!

Love ya.  Miss ya.  Mean it.
Kane